22 years, I don't know where the time goes. I didn't think for a moment I would get through 22 hours, or 22 days, but some how 22 weeks become 22 months and whether or not I know where it's gone becomes irrelevant because 22 years have past since waking that awful morning in Montreal to find my little boy's lifeless. People say time heals but that's not what it does; nothing heals that big a loss, and life never returns to what it was before. It's not possible. What time does, eventually, is bring with it a numbness, a resigned and reluctant acceptance to helplessness and fragility of our existence. It doesn't matter one tiny bit how many tears I cry, how many strategies I use to avoid or deny grief, because, at the end of the day death is insurmountable, indiscriminate and inevitable. What I have finally learned from your precious life having been cut too short, is that life is fragile, and precious. It is never promised or guaranteed. What you think you have today, may well be snatched away before tomorrow even arrives. So do not put off those calls to loved ones, do not hold back on chances to catch up with friends and family, embrace new challenges and experiences. LIVE every single day of your life. Because there is only now, and it is an unparalleled gift, the gift of life. This is what your beautiful and precious (short) life has taught me Johnny Starrs. That life is now. This is the lesson that we all ought to have learned from our loved ones who have been taken too soon, treasure the people we have and the life that we are living. And please, do one thing for me today, pick up the phone, call your mother, or your son or your sister, or a friend. Take 10 minutes to have the conversation you've not made time for in a while. Don't let more 22 minutes pass, or they WILL become 22 days. Make the call, and after it, when you are happy that you did, send a little happy thought, or prayer out into the universe for my little boy, Johnny Starrs, who travelled to heaven 22 years ago today. Nite nite my sweet little angel, Mummy loves you xxxx

I cant believe it had now been 9 years since I held you tightly in my arms and kissed your beautiful little face, since I watched your perfect little eyes looking trustingly up at me. I have finally reached a point that I smile when I think of you (most of the time), though the pain is as enormous as it was almost a decade ago, I know it always will be. I sometimes think of all the things that I never got to do with u, like see u crawl for the first time, walk, go to school, I never got to pack ur lunches or spend all Sunday driving u to whatever sport u decided to follow. It hurts so much when I think of all those things we never got to do, feed the ducks, play on the swings. I never got to have a birthday party for you or meet ur first girlfriend, so many things that we never got to experience. But I did get to tell you how much I love you, how glad I am that u were in my life, those 23 days in September 2001 will always be treasured in my heart and no matter how any decades pass I will always treasure u my beautiful perfect little baby boy xxxx mummy loves u always xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Johnny,Another year has past, sometimes it seems so long since I held you in my arms and kissed your beautiful cherub like cheeks. 9 years this evening since I fed u for the last time, kissed you good night and tucked you into bed for the last time. Right now it only feels like yesterday, its hard to imagine it was 108 months ago because it is etched in my memory perfectly. Its taken almost a decade and the support of some very special people but when I think of you now (most of the time) I smile, because I know I was blessed to have even those short weeks with you, some people are not lucky enough to have that. It still hurts to know that I will never get to watch you grow up, and become the wonderful man I know you would have been. I have already missed out watching take ur first steps, saying ur first word, I didnt get a chance to shed a tear as I watch u go to nursery for the first time, or make ur pack lunch for ur first day at school, I'll never get to go to ur sports events or give out because my entire Sunday is taken up by driving u about, I'll never have to ground you for coming in late or will I ever get to show ur baby photos to your first girlfriend. But for 23 wonderfully special days of my life in September 2001 you were nestled safely in my arms, but know my beautiful little boy that no matter how many decades pass you will always, always be nestled safely in my heart.I love you and miss you so very much my beautiful perfect little man. Night night my sweet little angel, mummy loves now and always.Mommy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx